


scars to your beautiful

by damndanvers



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Fix-It, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-04
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2019-03-26 18:04:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13863033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/damndanvers/pseuds/damndanvers
Summary: Alex catches herself staring at the scar on her arm from the night she almost drowned.OrThe one where Alex and Maggie see eachother at another crime scene, but this time it's too much. This time they break.





	scars to your beautiful

**Author's Note:**

> hiiiii, 
> 
> i miss sanvers so i just had to write some more. if you guys like it, i might continue. also, it's like 3am so please forgive any mistakes. i've proofread, but i'll check it again when i'm more alive. i promise.
> 
> also sanvers are endgame and we will get the happy ending we deserve. 
> 
> hit me up on twitter @chyleighdnvrs

It’s almost 2am when Alex finally stumbles into her apartment building, fumbling through her pockets trying to grab the front door key. It’s late and cold and she wants nothing more than a quick shower and a lot of sleep. The DEO had been called to an alien invasion in downtown National City just as Alex was clocking out and saying her goodbyes for the evening.

“I better be getting fucking overtime for this.” Alex huffed, only half joking. She’d planned on picking up takeout and watching trash tv all evening, until her plans had been rudely interrupted by some huge purple alien holding staff hostage in their office building.

“You’ll get your food when we’re done, Agent Danvers. Aliens don’t have takeout plans on their agenda.” J’onn winked, because it was Wednesday and everyone knew it was chicken chow mein Wednesday for Alex.

“Gimme my gun.”

That was six hours ago. Now she’s got a trail of alien slime down her front, fuzzy hair from standing in the rain for too long and a nagging pain in her chest. Right in the centre to be exact; a little to the left.

Because she was there.

Of course she was there.

Because who else would turn up to an active crime scene in a blue police jacket twelve sizes to big for them? 

Who else would make Alex’s stomach flip and her heart race and her vision go a little fuzzy? God damn, she was face to face with a massive purple thing from another planet, and yet, that wasn’t the reason why her breathing was unsteady and her legs felt wobbly.

Maggie.

Maggie Sawyer.

The woman she planned forever with, Maggie Sawyer.

The door slams a little too loudly behind Alex as she presses her back to it, letting out a tired sigh and running her bruised hands through damp hair.

“Shower.” she mumbles to herself, dumping the keys on the sofa and making her way towards the bathroom.

 

——————————

 

“It’s all good McConnell, I’ll lock your office on my way out. I need to head up to my office to grab some files anyway. You head home.”

“Good work tonight, Detective Sawyer. I’ll see you bright and early.” McConnell nods, leaving the building with a coffee.

2:03am, Maggie notes as she glances down at her watch. She’s the only detective at the precinct at this hour, minus a few guards and officers on call, and so it’s eerily quiet. Drop a pin and you’ll hear it kind of quiet. The kind of quiet which makes her wallow and actually think about what’s going on inside her head. The kind of quiet she’s been trying to avoid since it crept it’s way into her car as she drove away from Alex’s for the last time. Sure, they spoke about all the firsts they were going to have, but never the lasts. Never about their last kiss or their last time dancing or undressing each other. 

The last time feeling that piece of metal on their fourth finger where finger meets knuckle.

She can’t bare to face those thoughts; not yet. Not ever. Because although it’s been 7 months, it might as well have been yesterday. It’s still too raw. Too painful. 

The only thing that’s been on Maggie’s mind for the past 7 months is Alex Danvers, and so, she keeps herself busy. She throws herself into late shifts and crazy cases and gym classes (never yoga, because that was her and Alex’s thing). She does everything to avoid sitting in silence; to avoid thinking of Alex, because if she does, she’ll break. 

She wonders if there’s any parts of her left to break. Alex did too much damage. Took every part of her already fragile body and let it crumble.

And yet, she saw those black boots and that fuzzy red hair and the upside down watch across from her at the crime scene and she fell in love all over again.

She grabs some files from her office and locks McConnell’s room on her way past. 

 

—————————

 

Alex is standing in front of the mirror now, slowly undressing herself as the shower next to her heats up. Her shelf is littered with beauty products and perfume she’ll never wear and a single pink toothbrush. She remembers the fourth time Maggie stayed over, when she pulled a toothbrush out of her overnight bag and they thought it was the funniest thing in the world. So funny that they laughed all the way to the bathroom to set it next to Alex’s and then almost fell through the shower curtain when Maggie grabbed Alex by the pyjama top to kiss her. To anyone else, it was the least funny thing ever, but Alex was falling in love and everything Maggie did made her heart soar. Even bringing her own toothbrush.

A cloud of steam emerges from the top of the shower and Alex tugs her black DEO shirt over her head and lets it fall lifelessly to the floor. 

Lifeless is the only word to describe Alex Danvers as these days. She’s existing, not living. She’s turning up to work on almost two hours of sleep and walking past corners of the DEO where her and Maggie made memories. She’s waking up, working, drinking and sleeping. Repeat. That’s not living.

Maggie is everywhere. 

She’s in the DEO medical bay where they first exchanged ‘I love you’s’, in the 24 hour corner shop where they used to buy whiskey and chips after long shifts, in Kara’s apartment where they celebrated their imminent wedding. Fuck, she’s even in Alex’s phone - right at the top, on speed dial. She’s everywhere, yet she’s nowhere. The only place Alex wants Maggie is in her arms, and it’s the only place she’s not.

Alex is reaching out to touch the water when she sees it. That little line just under her shoulder. It’s a scar now; all raised and white. She stops in her tracks and stares at it in the mirror, bringing her fingers up to trace over the uneven surface. It’s completely healed, which is the biggest fucking contradiction ever because Alex is anything but healing. She’s a huge gaping wound. Alex laughs at the irony.

She shuts her eyes and exhales, thinking back to that day. That tank. 

Alex had plenty of close brushes with death up until that point. God, she’d risked her life everyday just by turning up for work. She’d been held at gunpoint by criminals and flung through the air by aliens for god sake, but never once did she think she was a goner until that day. In her mind, it was over. She never even got to tell Maggie she loved her. Never got to tell her how much she’d changed her life and made her feel things she’d never felt before.

But then Maggie and Kara came running just as she had taken her final breath and she was in Maggie’s arms and Maggie was kissing her forehead and-

Maggie told her she loved her.

“I love you Maggie Sawyer.”

“I love you, Alex Danvers.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

She turns the shower off before even climbing in and sinks to the bathroom floor, sobbing.

 

——————————

 

Maggie’s in her police car riding back to her empty apartment when it happens. Her phone is connected through the aux cable and she’s just finished quietly humming to Stevie Nicks when it falls silent. She’s waiting for the next song to start, but it doesn’t.

“Fuck.”

Her phone died.

It’s quiet.

It’s quiet and Alex’s apartment is only a few blocks away and she doesn’t even have a distraction. It’s just Maggie and the low hum of an engine. 

She’s been putting off thinking about Alex again, because seeing her in the flesh every couple of weeks kills her. It hurts so bad to see the love of her life walk onto a crime scene and leave without her. Sometimes Alex wears shirts that Maggie used to wake up in. 

She wonders if Alex is seeing anyone; if Alex is in love again.

She remembers that her radio exists, but then her breathing speeds up when she sees Alex’s block in the distance. She tries so fucking hard not to look but it’s right there. There’s a dim glow from the window and Alex is in there somewhere. Alex’s perfect red hair and that kitchen island where they made pancakes and that bed where they had sex and-

Maggie wonders if there’s anyone else up there too. She wonders if someone holds Alex in that bed; wonders if Alex holds them back.

Maggie flicks on the radio and a John Mayer song they once had sex to is suddenly spilling into the car. 

So much for a distraction.

She slams her hand on dash, turns the radio off and speeds home.

 

—————————

 

Alex is sitting on her bed wrapped in a towel when the tears stop for a second. It’s 3am now according to the clock near her television. She’s aching everywhere. Aching from standing in the rain for hours without sitting. Aching from crying. Aching for Maggie to tell her everything is going to be okay.

She knows she has no right to feel this awful, because after all it was her decision to show Maggie the door. Maggie was broken and Alex helped to heal her and now she’s broken again. 

“What the fuck was I thinking?” Alex actually laughs out loud. It’s one of those laughs people do when they’re so broken that they’re at the point where laughing is the only thing that remotely makes sense. 

Nothing makes sense anymore.

She’s being selfish and she knows it. If anyone should be aching; it’s Maggie. Alex doesn’t know it, but Maggie is so cracked and bruised that she’s worried she’ll never heal.

She doesn’t know it but Maggie is a few miles away sitting in her own apart silently crying. 

They’re a god damn train wreck.

Her phone buzzes. It’s Kara.

‘Hey, just checking u got home ok.” 

She sniffles.

It’d be nice if Kara actually acknowledged Alex’s heartache, her obvious need for Maggie; instead of sweeping it under the rug and consistently telling her to move on. She doesn’t want to move on - can’t move on - and Kara won’t stop. Kara won’t stop acting like Maggie was just a short fling. Fuck, you’d think her and that fucking boy had been married for 40 years and raised 3 kids together the way Kara compared their relationships. Maggie was the only person Alex had ever fallen in love with and Kara refused to acknowledge their relationship. Alex stopped talking about it. She bottled everything up and the cap was so close to popping off. 

“I’m fine. night.” Alex typed reluctantly.

She closed the messenger app and saw Maggie’s display name at the top of her home screen. Her mouth went dry as she gently brushed the contact with her thumb, softly enough to not press anything.

A tear hit the screen.

“Fuck it.”

 

———————————

 

Maggie had tried sleeping when she got home, but everything was whirring round in her head. She slumped onto the couch and put on Cake Wars. She thought someone was getting a phone call on the show for a short while until she realised it was her own phone buzzing from the kitchen counter.

“Ugh, fuck off McConnell, I’m tired.” She sighed, pausing the TV.

“What the fuck?”

It wasn’t McConnell. It was Alex Danvers. It was definitely Alex Danvers because her contact photo was bright on Maggie’s screen and staring right into her eyes.

Was Alex injured?

Was Alex accidentally calling in her sleep?

She squeezed her eyes tight and accepted the call before it rung out. It wasn’t like they hadn’t spoken since…that. They were civil and friendly and as nice as they could be for two heartbroken lovers. It’s just…it was late. Really late. Alex had only called her once at this time since the breakup and that was because they needed her assistance at the DEO for evidence.

She picks up and waits for Alex to speak first, but she doesn’t.

It’s silent and Maggie can hear shaky breaths on the other end of the line. 

“Alex? Are you okay?”

“Y-yeah. I’m sorry.” Her voice is cracking, and she’s sniffling.

“What happened?” Maggie asks, and god, her heart is aching. She wants to wrap her arms around Alex and tell her everything’s fine - whatever happened. 

It’s been seven months.

“Nothing, I’m sorry. I-I shouldn’t have called you. I’m sorry.”

Breathing again.

“Stop apologising. You’re okay?” Maggie questions, and she’s genuinely concerned because Alex is tough and Alex has had months to call her like this but she hasn’t.

“I’m fine. Well, I’m not fine. I just-”

“What?”

“I miss you, Maggie.”

Shit. She can’t do this. Not now.

“Please don’t say that. Get some rest. Please.” Maggie is pleading because she wants Alex to hang up before she says anything else that’ll make her heart ache.

“I saw you tonight.”

“I know you did. I saw you too.” Maggie laughs a little.

There’s a silence again, mixed with Alex’s deep breaths. Maggie can hear the pain in her voice. 

“Do you miss me?” 

“Alex, no.” Maggie whispers.

“You don’t miss me?” 

“No, I didn’t mean it like that. I just mean…stop. I can’t do this right now. You can’t call me up like this just to break my heart even more.” and Maggie is being honest. It’s the first time she’s made it clear how bad this hurts.

“I’m sorry.”

“I know you are.” Maggie means it. She knows Alex never meant to hurt her like this. Alex isn’t a stranger - they were in love. 

Are in love.

“I miss you too.” Maggie breaks. The love of her life is on the other end of the line and it’s late and she’s vulnerable and tired. 

It’s just the two of them breathing down the line on opposite sides of the city, but it’s the closest they’ve been since they last slept together. 

“I’m sorry for calling like this. I saw you and you looked perfect and then I saw the scar on my arm and-”

“Take a breath, Alex.”

“Okay.”

It’s raining outside now, and Maggie knows because it’s pattering against the window on her roof.

“Alex, go to bed. We both need to rest.” Maggie says reluctantly, because as much as she loves Alex, she can’t have this conversation and wake up tomorrow to see Alex at a crime scene acting like nothing happened.

“I can’t sleep. I haven’t slept properly since you left.” Alex sighs. 

“Hm. Me too.” Maggie replies. 

“It’s raining.”

“Yeah.”

“Do you remember when we watched the rain fall onto that window on your roof? We chose drops and then we would watch them race down the window to see who won.” Alex sniffled.

“I remember.”

Maggie’s watching the rain fall onto the same window.

“I won.” Alex laughed.

“You did.”

The line goes quiet again.

It’s oddly comforting, talking like this. There’s no other officers or Kara. No criminals. No crime scene. They’re alone again, for the first time in months. Maybe the distance between them is a crime.

“Is there someone else?” Alex questions. It’s abrupt and fast, but it’s the question Alex has been dreading the answer to since they split. She can’t bare the though of Maggie’s lips on anyone other than her. She needs to know.

“No.”

“Oh, okay.”

“There’ll never be anyone like you, Alex.”

The rain is heavier now, and so is both of their breathing.

“Sorry, Alex, I didn't mean t-”

“I still love you.”

Fuck.

No.

Oh god.

“Babe-” Maggie starts, but it’s too late. They’re both crying.

“I love you, Maggie. I’m so sorry for calling.” It sounds like Alex is seconds away from hanging up, but Maggie needs to stop her. 

They can’t stop now.

This is really happening.

“Don’t go.” Maggie practically begs.

“I wish I’d said that a long time ago.” Alex sniffles a laugh.

“Me too. Me too.” She repeats and lets out a sigh.

“I love you too, you know I do.” Maggie finally caves again. 

“I know, babe. I know.” 

Alex is clutching the phone, breathing down the line. It’s a comfortable silence.

“You remember when I first kissed you?” Maggie breaks the silence.

“Which time?”

They laugh.

Of course Alex remembered it. She barely thought about anything else. Maggie declaring her feelings and kissing her like...that. She feels lightheaded at the thought of the whole thing.

“Sorry, it’s just…there’s a beer bottle on my counter and it’s the same type we drank that night. The same six pack I brought over.”

“Six pack. I miss yours.” Alex laughed. She was joking, kind of. Okay, not at all.

“You haven’t changed a bit, Danvers.”

And then it’s really quiet, because Maggie called her Danvers. Maggie hadn’t called her Danvers in months. Granted, she hadn’t called her ‘babe’ in months either, but this was different. It took her back to when they first met; when Alex wasn’t out. When Alex was falling for a woman and she didn’t know what to do or how to feel. It was comforting and familiar. Danvers.

Maggie goes to speak but then Alex says something that makes her head spin.

“I want to hold you.” Alex breathes.

“Al-”

“I do.”

Maggie laughs.

“I wish we said that sooner too.”

And that one hurts, because they were supposed to be married by now. They were supposed to have a house, a dog, all of it. And then there was the whole…kids thing, and it slipped right through their hands.

“What about the-” Maggie swallows before she forces the rest out “What about the kids?”

“I don’t know. I just-I just know that I need you. I was so stupid, I’m sorry.” Alex is sobbing again.

“Hey, shh. You weren’t stupid. It’s what you wanted, you don’t need to apologise for that.” Maggie wishes she was there. She glances at the clock. It’s not far off 4am.

“I know, but I didn’t think about your feelings either. It was so rushed and quick and we didn’t talk it through properly and I-I love you, Maggie. I’m sorry I gave up on us.” 

They’re both sniffling.

“I love you too, Alex.”

 

———————————

 

It’s almost 5am when there’s a knock at Alex Danvers’ front door.

It's like something out of a romcom movie.

Maggie Sawyer, with pizza and beer and the biggest dimples in the whole world.

They haven’t slept, but they have each other, 

and that’s all they’ll ever need.


End file.
